Rapher:Night Owl

 Life never goes to plan, I never in a million years (odd phrase that don’t you think) thought I would one, move to the south and two , be living with whom I now reside with. Strange how things just seem to occur, I made a decision something I rarely do easily and decided that it was best for me to move out of my parental home and to also start somewhere new, clean slate so to speak.

I still am a little unsure whether it was the best thing to do, as liberating as it is to be away from somewhere that I didn’t feel 100% comfortable, I do miss it and I question whether I moved for the wrong reasons, just something J said when I went to visit her. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been fun but feel like I am not really getting anywhere, guess if I can secure some sort of job I won’t feel so useless, just at the moment. Keep trying to stay positive and go along with the whole following my heart thing but it’s tricky.

In the last two weeks it’s been particular hard, especially with the loss of someone who although I didn’t know her as well as some, touched me more than I realised at the time. She was always there with encouraging words even though they were quite often hidden beneath a layer of finely tuned sarcasm. She made me smile, helped me stay positive through the hard times, kept me focused when I was studying for my final exams always reminding me to take a break every now and again. How she was always so positive and upbeat given what she was facing I don’t know, she always had a brave face on, cared more about others than herself and I admired this about her. I miss her wit, her sassyness and her ability to always see the good in someone.  Taken me a while to be able to think about writing these words, been rattling about in my head sometimes escaping in the form of a tweet but here we are, Sam, I shall miss you, a true beleafer till the end pure passion and the most caring person I wish  I had met you. I have learnt so much about her in the last two weeks, such stuff I wish I had had the opportunity to learn earlier. Saddens me that someone with such a large heart is no longer able to make people smile the way she always seemed to make me. I was so deeply honoured that she took the time to mention me in her final words,  even more so that she bestowed the leadership of the #OMGrabovski fanclub on to me. Big shoes for me to fill (figuratively speaking) she loved that guy, we bumped horns on the subject many a time as to who was his biggest fan I will never disagree it was her hands down, always will be but I shall continue the Belurussian legacy to the best of my ability, hope you will be pleased.

It is in hard times, such as ones I seem to be facing, that her words echo in my head, I envision her shouting them at me and it helps me…

She is not the only one helping me, I have said it before and I shall say it again, my wonderfully lovely tweeple, the awesome folk of the twitterverse, help me out in so many ways and I can’t thank them enough. Whether it ‘s cheering me up, giving me advice or just keeping me company when I am going through an insomnia slump. Some may say I am sad for spending so much time in the twittersphere but I don’t care, especially nowadays when so many of my friends are spread far and wide, social networking is a definite mention for communication, don’t get me wrong face-to-face interactions are important but not always possible.  I consider these people my true friends, I may not have met many of them IRL but I sometimes feel more comfortable talking to them about things than I do with my IRL friends, maybe its the anomonity of it all.

right now I am in a not so good state of mind or mood, future plans had hit a wall so need to regroup and rethink what I am doing. 

So far visit home hasn’t gone great, remember now why I moved out, still I don’t think my dad has taken me moving very well. This house is full of stressed out people and my little sister is even more obnoxious than before.

Hopefully shall be going to see some of my friends up here this week, that’ll be nice. May even pop into Mat science centre and see mates at uni, be the 1st time I’ve been there since I was rejected from my PhD. *Sigh*

I may bring my trumpet down to Reading this weekend if I can carry it (Its heavy), if not my Parents can bring it down the following weekend when they come to visit. Yes I am planning on re-taking up the trumpet after not playing it much for 2 years. Our neighbours are going to hate us.

I now realise this blog is about 5 different topics mushed together but it is just me unloading the past few days/weeks 

shall end it there

LLAP

Rapher xox