Rapher:Night Owl

Well what can I say, we have come to the end of the season, a season I at one point thought could have been great, so what is next for the Leafs?

That doomed game versus the shambles that is the Habs really seemed to be the catalyst to the whole season spirally out of control.  It all went a bit wrong, goaltending fell apart, Reimer took a while to bounce back from his injury, Monster didn’t get proper back up from defence who were shocking. Positive was that the Leafs Penalty kill got significantly better. Small condolences for mucking up massively and losing out on the playoffs for the 7th year running.

I remember the last time the Leafs made the Playoffs, things were different, teams were different, this current team just doesn’t seem to show the correct level of passion for reaching a goal, at least not every game.  It seemed at times that the fans had more passion for the game then the players, then the fans just got fed up, they got angry, rightly so. However I do not entirely agree with some fans methods of venting said anger, not a fan of booing ones team. And you’ll know my opinion on the whole tanking issue (see last blog post) so not going to ramble about that again or I’ll just annoy myself again.

For a moment there, I thought hey we have this, we may actually get there, then I don’t know it all went backwards. Maybe the team got scared (not a real excuse), maybe they were mismanaged ….maybe this that the other, sick of excuses to be quite honest. I’ve been a Leafs fan for around 14 years, which isn’t as longs as some but half that time, the leafs haven’t been the playoffs, massive head shaking moment. Something isn’t right with the team, we have changed the coach, was it the right thing? time will tell I suppose. Coaching wasn’t working that was for sure, but was it the only issue? I don’t think so. You may say we need to completely rebuild, wait I thought that was what we were doing? Who wants to come play for a losing team (a reason I don’t get tanking), there was a time that people dreamed of playing for the leafs, but if the team carries on embarrass themselves, who is going to want to play for them.

Oh I am sure there are plenty of hockey kids out there who still want to grow up to play for this team, I sure wish I could but at some point you have to stand and say, losing isn’t on, it isn’t what the fans want, and it isn’t what the players want. Now I could ramble on about ‘goalie issues’ and make this into a pointless and quite frankly stupid debate about who is better, Gustavsson or Reimer…but I am not going to. It is quite ridiculous how much things got blamed on goalies this season, both of them. People are so quick to judge, ok sometimes it is the goalies fault but it’s a team game last time I checked.

As I write this, I am thinking screw being objective, get angry but as someone pointed out to me,  Don’t be angry! Anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side… as we all know where that leads eh?

The season started off pretty well and even the most pessimistic of fans started to think, hey ho we may actually pull this off, for a while there we sat in a playoff spot and everything was rosy in Leafsnation. Then it all crumbled once again and there just wasn’t enough duct tape to stick it all back together. The fan base fell apart alongside the team, fans turning on fans of the same bloody team, that doesn’t seem right, you are suppose to direct your banter at other teams no? I’ve talked about the bullying and nastiness that occurred because of this mess before, it just got ugly.

Was going to make this a blog full of stats but tbh not really my style, I’ll leave that to the pros, all I know is that this team had  the potential and sadly didn’t give it at least not all of them. I think we have a major issue with leadership or the lack thereof, some players are not playing with the true heart that others are.

Which leads me to this rubbish about ‘trade Kessel, he doesn’t play with heart’ etc WHATEVER,  the dude never missed a game  if I am right in saying, he played through injuries, he pretty much consistently produces points and goals, so he isn’t massively a defensive or aggressive player, maybe that isn’t he job? We may have given a lot up to get him but I think it’s paid off. I am sorry but the team has other players who are way less deserving of the place, ones that consistently screw up and cost us games.

Here are the positives I took from this season, look at the young blood we got, Gardiner, that kid is aces, hoping to see great things in his future. Plus we got to see glimpses of what the Marlies have to offer, and trust me that team is loaded with talent, talent that I think is uber-deserving of a NHL place.  Another positive, have to mention #OMGrabovski, the belurussian beaut, re-sighed this was a good day and he is one of the few players this season that has truely played with all his heart, one of the few that truely tried to fight for the playoffs. Lupul was having a hell of a season till it was cut short, Loops and Kessel, what a goal machine that was. Bozak also having a pretty dandy season, poor Kulemin, been through a lot of hard times this season, poor guy looks lost some games.

Not going to talk about the goalie situation, mainly because it will make me sad, but also because I am sick of talking about it, we know goaltending is an issue but you can’t win a game if you also don’t SCORE GOALS so it’s not the ONLY issue.

to be frank, this season has crashed and burned so badly, it’s not hard to see why Leafsnation is so very pissed off. I saw loyal long time fans, actually contemplating lowering their level of fan-ness, if you can even do that. Let just say the bandwagon will be a little lighter for a while, pretty sure most of them jumped off in February. I am still here, and I always will be…I will bleed blue and white till the end, I don’t care what others say, I will always support my team as hard as they make it sometimes and I will NEVER cheer against them or boo them, or wish them to lose (still don’t get that mentality) what ever the outcome.

I hope next season we can say, this is our season and stop saying ok maybe next year….*fingers crossed* we get the team all sorted and working in the off season and that the players realise that they have let their fans down majorly and learn from this.

Well, take what you want from this season, agree with me or disagree I don’t mind, you have your own opinions I have mine. You may think I don’t know what I am talking about, if you do I don’t care, I don’t tell you what to think, you do that yourself.

With the season over, everyone seems to switch over to Baseball, my twitter timeline is full of Jays this, that and the other. For me, it’s all about Formula 1 now zoom zoom!

Leave you with this….all I know is this team and it’s fans, they want a cup..or at least to be able to remain in the race for it #orsomething

#isitoctoberyet?

Peace

GO LEAFS GO! to the true Leafsnation, keep beleafin’ I will, hope to see ya’ll next season

Rapher xox

Just to clarify, just because I want my team to win doesn’t mean I think we are going to make the playoffs, I’d love us to make them, who wouldn’t but I am being realistic here. I want them to win because they are my team and I support them.

This is why ‘Tanknation’ doesn’t make sense to me, I certainly don’t believe any team should tank on purpose, that isn’t fair to anyone, especially the fans,and to be honest who really wants to lose, it’s not nice.

I am trying to be objective about this whole thing but it’s hard to watch people seemingly and openly either cheer for the leafs to lose or for other teams to do better. And for what? a better draft pick? Who is to say that this is a a good or bad idea…how do you know how ‘good’ that draft pick will turn out to be?

What happens if, ok we get the ‘best’ draft pick and nothing magically amazing happens, then what?

Those of you that are convinced that the magical draft pick will be the saving grace of the leafs….who is he? do you even know? How many of you are just following a crowd?

That said, I know Leafs are lacking something, a #1 centre? maybe a GK, erm, defence that works? but you have to at some point stop saying we are rebuilding and start to do something with what we have. We have a super young team, any reason to go younger? We are jam packed with talent, a lot of it is currently showcasing its skills with the Marlies (how many of you folks follow/watch those guys eh?)

So the argument for getting a good pick, meh even if it is to trade, we can do more with what we got imo

Also, we keep losing and you guys who want us to lose, erm who the hell is going to want to play for a losing team? and what do you thinking losing does to a players confidence? Can’t be good…may spur one on to try and win next time I suppose.

I give respect to those that can present a valid and non abusive argument but those who have no answer when questioned or who contradict themselves constantly …not winning any points with me. Something I find is lacking at the moment a lot is common sense, wilding flinging ‘solutions’ about with no real thought.

I have been told I am not a true/real fan a lot recently, sorry for wanting my team to win, that is just the way I see it. I may not have been a fan as long as some, I may not have ever seen them live, I don’t live in the ‘right’ country (as someone delightfully put it) but this by no means means I know less or nothing about the game and the team.
For 14 years nearly I have been bleeding blue and white and I will continue through it all, no matter what, AND I will NEVER cheer against them, EVER!

This is a blog written by a the wonderful @tonyhson on twitter, he summed up things better than I can, you should read it. He is a Leafs fan from the UK  http://bit.ly/FPUs45  and while you are at it, read this one http://bit.ly/FPUs46 pretty much perfectly rounds up things, I agree with nearly all of this and it proves we definitely have something to be excited about in the future…as he says ”let’s get behind the boys and try to regain some lost pride by winning a few of the games we have left!”

GO LEAFS GO

Peace out LLAP

Rapher xox

You know how nice it is to receive good news, have someone say, hey here is something you applied for, you want it?

I got an acceptance letter today, offering a conditional offer to a cake decorating course at a University in London. This means I may be going back to university albeit not for what I thought it would be.

So if I can get the deposit for the course sorted….holy moly this is awesome right?

*glove tap* to my buddy Mark @markukleaf….for helping me so much, and for believing in me.  He wrote in his blog that he has made me achieve my goal his focus, I didn’t ask him to, but that is why he is so awesome, but hey if it helps him get through stuff…not complaining, I totally appreciate the help and the push. Even just being reminded everyday to keep going is enough.

This is someone I have yet to meet in person yet they are willing to help me out and support me to my goals. He will say I owe him nothing, I am sorry but I do, I owe you so much….at least take this, Thank YOU!

Anyway just a short update, lots to do…working on a lot of Cake Ninja business which will be disclosed in due course.

Peace out

Rapher xox

If you don’t know already, I do not drink…I am 100% teetotal, why? I don’t really have a reason and it seems people have an issue with this.

in the last week or so I have been questioned on my choice, to be fair, why does every one fricking care so much, so what I don’t  drink, does that really make any difference to you? I don’t go around questioning your life choices.

I have never drank alcohol, I don’t feel the need to to, never have. I don’t feel like trying it just once, no matter how many times you pester me. I don’t understand why it seems so important to everyone that I do.

you know what pisses me off is the ”’oh well you haven’t tried it, how do you know you won’t like it?” arguement. well maybe so, doesn’t mean I HAVE to do what you say. I haven’t tried many things …I am sorry but I am not going to change who I am because you want to win at a pointless argument.

I am sorry for the rant but this is something which is currently driving me bonkers.

So it comes across that I am being principled, or I am now only not drinking because it is what I do, maybe or maybe I just don’t want to bloody drink, why is that such a arrggghhhhh major issue for you. (I also do not swear, but right now I want to)

Sorrry had to write this down because I may snap at the next person that asks me why I do what I do and then pushes me on it.

You all say well it’s fun, maybe guess that means I am boring and don’t like fun, tbh after looking after many friends who are little worse for wear, I don’t think i’d ever like to be in that position or do that to myself but what do I know because I have never tried it. So I can not judge right?…..well how come it is ok for you to judge me?

I am me, deal with it.

blahhhhhhhh rant over *breathe*

Stay safe and LLAP

Rapher xox

So I made another Cake, a burger cake….

here

to find out how I made it, visit my other blog, the cake one here;

http://bit.ly/zU818H

and follow @_cakeninja and @Cakeninjabakery for all things cake related (that I do)

Enjoy

Rapher xox

http://bit.ly/xznW32

This is the blog for the CakeNinja Bakery, thought it best to move all my cake related stuffs away from the personal blog so here we are.

Although the CakeNinja Bakery is not an actual reality yet, it is a work in progress, the cakeninja in question is busy researching and sneaking around working out the logistics.

I can tell you that there is a cake in progress and it will be fully documented here for all to see as well as on the new blog . I have also been informed by the Cake Ninja that the blog on the pizza cake that was made in January will be uploaded to there . That will be up shortly. many more things to come don’t you worry…

back laters, busy busy

Rapher xox

Well week started off well, had an interview on Monday which I thought went quite well, considering I haven’t had one in a while and I was as nervous as hell. After months of trying, I finally had a reply and an interview for a job…

However, it would appear that my luck just ain’t so good right now, received yet another rejection letter yesterday. Guess that does help me with the decision of whether I should take the job or not, I was questioning whether I could do it or not, not because I had no experience but because it was a huge commitment and a job that required me with work closely with people who wouldn’t take to kindly to me leaving suddenly. I had talked myself into thinking that it isn’t what I thought I’d be doing but that I would rather enjoy it and it was be a good learning experience, when I went to get the post …end of that one.

So I baked some muffins, played some Rammstein, got pissed off at myself…

Now, sitting here once again feeling sorry for myself, wondering what now…continue on I guess.

you know what I really don’t like, having to read about all the wonderful things people I know that are on the PhD path I should be on are doing, makes me sad to realise what I am missing out on…here I am feeling crappy and alone, whilst  they are going on business trips and science trips around the world. I mean I am happy for them as they are my friends but I feel like I am being pushed out of the world, drifting away from any hope.

I love science, I really do. However for the 1st time in years I am questioning whether I am really cut out to do what I think I want to do, if I was, surely I’d be doing it right. Maybe I am not smart enough to do the research I want to do, maybe going into research isn’t what I should be doing? It is a world that doesn’t seem to want me… the longer I wait for it to let me, the less likely it will be …

My mind keeps going back to what if I focused on my cake making, what if I did something with that?

What if I went to school to learn more, up till now I am self taught, but if I learnt properly, if I got qualifications in this…my dream of a cakeninja bakery may not be just a dream…

Some would tell me I need to make up my mind, I need to find my focus, I need to stop dawdling about and actually do something.

I am bloody trying, I trying so fricking hard to work out what the hell  I am doing, makes me feel worse, constantly being reminded everyday…people ask me ”how are you?” I lie, I say I am fine, it’s all good, to be honest, it is not, I am not in a very good place, I am regarded as a failure by my parents, I have no money, I have no job, all I have is my friends spurring me on…I am super grateful for this, I’d be lost without them. Certain person’s voice in my head is one of the few reasons I haven’t completely thrown in the towel, she is constantly there …shouting in my ear.

So I am now looking at applying to cookery, bakery schools …cake decorating courses, food hygiene certificates, things I will need if I am going to succeed at this.  I of course need something to do in the mean time, so I shall be continuing the job hunt, continues to face the inevitable rejections that come along the way,  keep fighting.

Right now though, bare with me, having bad few days, sleep is being difficult, my health is being questionable again, but no excuses….I NEED TO SORT MY LIFE OUT.

1. need to actually finish an online portfolio of my work

2. properly define my goals

3. Score the dream.

however RIGHT now, I am going to do put some Rammstein on VERY LOUD and clear my head …I have another epic cake to plan out

Rapher xox